If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
