I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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