a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
