Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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