we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
