my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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