@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
