you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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