Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
