i just wanna soil my oats bro
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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