Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
