My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
