I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
