Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
