Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
