Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
