I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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