You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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