Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
