My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
