Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
