There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
