somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
