He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
