WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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