what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
