FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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