we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
