Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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