hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
