It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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