For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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