why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
