I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
