Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize