I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
