see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
