never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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