On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
