Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
