every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
