wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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