Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
