i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
