Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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