You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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