it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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