How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
