her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
