her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
