No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
