I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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