you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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