I wish I could teleport
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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