i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
