I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
