god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
