I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
