he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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