You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
