when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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