i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize