If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
