no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
