i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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