i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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