I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
